All Christmas break I felt like a robot on repeat. "Utah State. Yes, it's great. I have 3 semesters in total left." I must have said it a dozen times. I've had a couple of anxiety attacks realizing how fast college has already gone and how it's going to keep going by faster and faster.
However, when my sister-in-law, Maggie commented how far I am in school I had this flash back to when she was the college student and I was the graceless, terribly loud, and most certainly annoying girl. It's strange to think the person I admired so much and loved visiting in Provo for sleepovers (in her OWN awesome college apartment) was essentially the age that I am currently. Maggie was so mature and old seeming. She had a strong sense of self, something that I feel i'm totally lacking at this point in my life.
I have been a very independent person financially since I was old enough to work. However I have been dependent on everyone but myself for other things- trying to accomplish things because they are simply expected of me and my circumstances. I think because i'm the youngest of 4 older siblings I have a hard time not just being "baby meg" who is playfully teased with and pleasing to everyone. That's like expected of the youngest, right?
I have neglected figuring out who I am along the way. (don't get me wrong though there isn't anything I regret. And to be clear this is not the start of a rebellious stage or anything.) Thinking of the new year ahead I am going to make it a goal of mine to discover more about myself, venture out of my comfort zone more, and not be caught up in "what is expected of me" I think I'm even going to learn the ukulele. (regret from camp was not knowing how to play, so I really wanna make that happen.) It is a quite liberating and empowering feeling. Watch out world!
Ryan and Maggie pre-children. Now it's their own children on their backs but before they had their own, you better believe it was me. All my siblings like to take turns being my parents, I think.
Also I just received an email regarding the deans list. Guys, i've finally made it life!
Also I just received an email regarding the deans list. Guys, i've finally made it life!
Aww...thanks for the kind words. I'm touched. You will figure it out! I'm still figuring out A LOT of things (believe me). I think we all SEEM (to others) a lot more "put-together" than we really are, but inside we are our own biggest critics. The important thing is to embrace our talents and work on our weaknesses (a little at a time). Go make the world a better place, Megs - no fears! (That's what I have to tell myself all the time, but I say "Mags" instead of "Megs"...Anyway, I think you're catching my drift.)
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