June 3, 2013
Day one of pre-camp week is down and I feel like it has been 3 weeks! I am exhausted-so exhausted. Today has been really incredible nonetheless. Sometimes I feel like grabbing my keys and leaving! I feel so inadequate and so unqualified. I need to completely trust in the lord this summer. It is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. what did I sign up for?
The first week came and I was so excited about everything. My energy levels were up and everything was new to me. I remember those first charter buses roaring into camp and being so completely excited for the new adventure. Week after week I was a little less excited about meeting new campers and not as excited about following the same exact schedule. I most definitely didn't have the same amount of energy. No matter how I was feeling though, the Mondays always rolled back around and I was back at camp to endure another week.
Each week was a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes my girls would instantly click and become great friends right from the get go. Sometimes I would have girls who were homesick. Sometimes there would be drama. Sometimes I would think about how much easier I could have made my summer if I applied for another job. Sometimes I would have needy girls who would all ask the same questions what seemed like 5 billion times. Sometimes I wanted to think about myself. Sometimes I felt like peeling over and dying from the exhaustion and heat. However each low point was followed by triumphs and joy.
Those moments of triumph and joy were sometimes small yet so powerful recognizing the lords hand in everything. A camper praying for the first time in public because Oakcrest provided her an opportunity to feel safe around her new friends. Seeing the spirit overwhelm a young girl who's home circumstances probably don't allow very often. A note from my dad to lift my spirits as I was out the door on a Monday morning feeling very discouraged. Writing my testimony in Book Of Mormons and giving them to non-members. Receiving notes from campers that reminded me of my purpose and that I was actually capable of making a difference through the lord. Teaching by the spirit. Finding out that campers have been through some of the exact trials I have been and sharing my testimony of eternal families. Interacting with a camper who had high functioning Autism and the amazing spirit she had. Letters and much encouragement from my parents every week. Energy and enthusiasm from other staff members who are always offering praise-when I need it most. Seeing time and time again the lords hand in even the tiniest details and realizing who is in charge.
I am shocked that 9 weeks have passed. What would seem like "impossible weeks" or "weeks that would never end" I can say with out a doubt that the Lord stepped in and compensated for my lack of whatever it might have been that week or that day. Some weeks I hardly seem to remember and i'm certain that is when the lord took over. God is good and God is indeed mindful of me.
I only have 2 weeks left to give it my all.
Proof that miracles do happen. I have always wanted to hold a butterfly. And I got a letter from Gill today.
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